I jacked the moon in the eye, and won.

He was hanging out at the local gay bar, making the Earth bulge and getting the wolves into a frenzy - they were all howling for more than just blood by the time I got there.

That's when it happened.

I was ordering a Jackhammer for my sentient chaps (they always need to be plastered when we're out because I refuse to wear pants, or skin, underneath them) - when I felt a tug at my bodily fluids. It felt nice, but I'm one for pleasantries before foreplay. I spun around, and kindly told him to keep his fundamental forces off of me unless he wanted to get to know my Hamfist™ in a non-sexual, non-consensual way.

He simply grinned his crater-toothed grin and persisted, stating slyly that ALL the tides let him do it, and they never complain. Not one for allowing my liquid contents to be shifted without at least a drink first, and his rapist machismo pressing on, I cocked my forearm hamskin back and blasted him a new Aitken basin in that big ass, but beautiful eye of his. I definitely swole it shut - it was at quarter crescent by the time he hit the door.

Don't believe me? Have you seen his eye beaming down on you the past two nights? Didn't think so. Look at him - he's hiding behind the clouds now, afraid to show his face to a REAL man-thing!

http://www.reddit.com/r/Shit_My_Toilet_Says/comments/s62a8/i_jacked_the_moon_in_the_eye_and_won/