UPDATE!
Then Along Came Daddy...
Daddy 2016 succeeded in breaking the Republican curse of attracting idiots & other assorted degenerates, and, in the current field of wide-eyed psychos, retarded cold-warriors, and bible-thumping hypocrites, put another Republican in the White House. Long live Daddy 2016(TM), long live the Trumpenreich!
You Can Now Return to Reading This Old Piece of Shit...
Some people think the Republican candidates are just spouting what the party wants them to say - thus ruining their chances of ever taking the White House back again. NO. I honestly think the candidates are saying what THEY want to say.
Hell, some of them could be bound & gagged and STILL be reprehensible scumfucks - regular silent movie villains. All the ones who don't say disgusting shit are just simply dumber than a sack of wet hammers.
When you string together a team like this, you are forever 0/42. I mean - let's have a look at the kind of people we are dealing with here:
Romney is a rich asshole who wants the system rigged for him and his buddies. Car elevators are a basic necessity for life... as is the cosmic theater faggotry of Dressage. 47% of all starving people want him to suck on the business end of a brick - but he would just Bain Capital that brick's business end, and buy yet another personal army's worth of ridiculous rich people horseshit.
Bachmann is a crazy-eyed fundie fucktard, an anti-womyn's rights WOMAN (no "Y"'s here, pinko commie), and extremely homophobic - even though she's married to a gay guy. Not to mention, a SLAVE to a gay guy. THINK ABOUT HOW THAT WORKS... now think about WHY Marcus set up a "gay
Palin is the female Wonder twin, who suffered traumatic brain injury after being mindfucked by the hooves of a runaway moose. That goddamn moose was a Rhodes scholar. That's all you really have to say. You could buy her a dictionary for Christmas, you could teach her the finer arts of negotiation & politics - maybe even some REAL history - but it's like teaching a cat algebra; none of it will stop her from shitting in your shoe.
Paul thinks tin foil hats are useful for more than formal head-wear - but would be better if they were GOLD foil hats. He doesn't believe in the incorporation of the Bill of Rights, but will talk endlessly about how your constitutional rights are being taken away - the same rights he would take away as president. He thinks Texas should be able to say no to the 1st amendment. However, if you tell him that means New York can say no to the 2nd amendment - he'll set the studio on fire and fling his feces at you - as he speeds away with his son Rand in an Escalade he liberated from a fleet-footed "urban thug" in the parking lot.
Cain is a rich asshole who wants the system rigged for him and his buddies - and also wants all the strange poon he can get, because running a pizza chain entitles him to dip his wick constantly. Besides, his head is too black and shiny for a conservative to comprehend - they'll think they're at the local pool hall.
Perry is a more retarded version of George W. Bush - as he thinks that toxic waste & aquifers go together like peanut butter & jelly - and it's good for you too. He runs with both scissors and fully-loaded revolvers pointed at his face. THIS guy, according to Alex Jones, is a big shot American politician in the Bilderberg group. THIS. GOOFY. SON. OF. A. BITCH. Goddamn, the New World Order is FULL OF FAIL.
Santorum is the most repressed homosexual in the United States of America. I'm willing to bet that he also flinches at every fake punch thrown at him - even when he knows it's coming. Putin would eat his lunch every day, until the day he died in office of starvation.
Gingrich has a thick acidic slime trail behind him at all times. He would absolutely RUIN the carpets in the White House - not to mention that he makes children cry, and small animals always turn up missing while he is around. Also, I'm pretty sure the TEA party is convinced he is gay - as he isn't missing any teeth, and he hasn't had the appropriate amount of mistresses & ex-wives that a GOD FEARING straight man should have.
Christie is a heart attack, a multiple car pileup, a gastric bypass poster child, a health insurance liability, a robber baron of buffets, a walking gravity well, and a black hole waiting to happen. He also likes to play "Cronies and Bridges" like it's "Chutes and Ladders"... or "Candyland". BECAUSE IT'S TASTY.
Giuliani is too transvestite-y to be taken seriously - but he DOES have a bright spot - NO ONE uses 9/11 to their advantage like he does, and NO ONE can disappear the homeless like he can. POOF! Where did they go? DON'T LOOK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HUDSON! That's cheating!
Huckabee beats the bible harder than a red-headed stepchild. Too many Republicans like watching porn, and sticking their penes into women's & animal's anuses and mouths to vote for him. He believes missionary position should be enforced, as that's what missionaries are supposed to do - enforce you down on your back, mount you, and plow away. P.I.V. sex ONLY - else Jesus will come back HARD with a sack of
Johnson/Barbour/Daniels/Pawlenty/Huntsman/etc... WHO? Exactly. If you were not even an extra in a Ronald Reagan movie, HOW are you going to run GOD'S United States of America?
Everyone has not a fucking thing to fear - there will never be another Republican in the White House - unless Putin's 4-dimensional-Cyrillic-chess-with-half-the-pieces-missing results in Russia owning the west coast of the United States.
In case of that emergency, we'll have our top scientists re-animate the corpse of John Wayne, and have him zombify our military - much like the Pope blesses a pedophile's ballbag... WITH HIS MOUTH.
HAHAHAHA awesome fucking post!
ReplyDelete