Slavishly serving up nuggets of ridiculous bullshit, spewn forth from my horrendously polite and correct porcelain god from beyond the grave of the stars - Commodeus. Then, some cookies and punch. The blood and teeth flavored kind.
If it isn't PAINFULLY obvious to you, Shit my Toilet Says deals with Parody, Dark/Sick Humor, and general Weird-Ass subject material. If you want to get all butthurt about it - please kindly GO FUCK YOURSELF. Consider this your TRIGGER WARNING.
/mu/ just killed metal legend Lemmy Kilmister, in the space of one thread! Heads. ALL OF THEM. Delivered to me! You maniacs! You killed him with death! Godda/mu/! Godda/mu/ you all to hell! [Archive]
FROM DRY GRAY ABODE, SWIMMING THROUGH BOXULAR ENCLOSED SEA OF OPIATE AND PERFUME FROM BEYOND SPACE AND TIME, I STARE AT PASSING EMPTINESS, GAP BETWEEN WORLD AND STARS. PASSING ENDLESS TIME COUNTING PASSING CHILDREN OF WANDERERS OF THE VOID, FROM FRAME-LESS VISTA GIVEN TO ME BY MINE DRIFTING HOVEL, FIE! SPIED OVER HORIZON OF ORTHOGONAL CRAGGED CITY-SCAPE 'TIS CHAOS' CORE - NUCLEUS THE OF UNIVERSE.
UNSPEAKABLE NAMED THROBBING MASS, PUSTULED AND BETENTACLED CLOT OF RUTTED FLESH AND GNASHING MAWS KNOWN AS DAEMON-SULTAN, THE BLIND IDIOT GOD RESTS - LULLED BY DISTANT SAVAGE DRUM AND THIN WHINING FROM GODLY WOODWIND. AS THRONGS OF ALIEN SENSUALITY DANCE AROUND HIM IN NEVER-ENDING CIRCUMFERENCE FOR HIS UNCONSCIOUS PLEASURE, SWEAT BEADS FROM THE HEADS OF THE SULTAN'S ALIENIGENATE BAND - AS SOUR NOTE OR ILL-TIMED THUD WOULD ROUSE HIS INFINITE POWER, AND MINUSCULE INTELLECT, BENT ONLY FOR DESTRUCTION!
HIS WAKING WOULD CHASE WONDER AND DREAM FROM THE MINDS OF MAN AND BEAST, STRIP WORLDS OF THEIR MANTLE OF BEAUTY, GAG POETS FROM PONTIFICATING PHANTASM - LEAVING EVERYTHING AS DRY AND BEREFT AS YOUR NARRATOR'S HUMBLE DEN. EVERYTHING KEPT IN BALANCE FROM ENDLESS ARTFUL LABOR, WHEN OBSERVING HIS HEART OF THE VOID - REMEMBER NEVER TO SPEAK THE NAME OF AZATHOTH!
Well, it seems like the boys in Black Pussy are up against the crimson tidal wave of estrus-stench infused rancid cranberry sauce known as feminism. The diaphragm dam has exploded and is threatening to drown all those pot smoking lovers of double-fisted cock & ball, unless, unless our boys Black Pussy change their band's name. Then, somehow, the laws of physics will be brutally raped into submission - no, wait. The professional whales wailers will still find something to cry themselves to sleep over.
One bright and sunny Jackson County Missouri day, Brett Keane grew angry at his wife for ordering mushrooms on his welfare pizza. Enraged, he punched her into the next county, and after a long and frivolous search, couldn't find her. As he was thumbing a ride to the welfare office to strike her from his case, a sucker Christian gave him a ride.
Sucker Christian listened to his sob story, agreed to pay his rent, then Brett found gawd on the spot. After finding his wife, and making sure the Jackson county courts put another notch in his record for domestic abuse, he arrived at his trailer home with his battered wife.
Picking barbed wire out of his wife's hair, Brett announced that he was a Christian and that she's one too. When she objected and said that they were both atheists, Brett punched her into the next state. Then Brett went to his mom's house and kicked his own mother's teeth in for good measure.
