EVERYTHING is America's fault. EVERYTHING.

Remember kids, EVERYTHING is America's fault. Because the CIA is just SO DAMN CLEVER.

Oil refinery gets struck by lightning? America's fault. Because we are GOD.

You lose your keys? You're not a dumbass - it's AMERICA.

A Russian, on how superior Russia is to the U.S.

Too much Vodka will damage your brain, and lead you to believe that your backwards culture and your corrupt politician's actions should be blamed on gay people.

So, we sojourn:

Ruskie Dynamite: My 'shitty country' is the biggest and richest in the whole world

BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You potato queuing, vodka swilling, gimme a fucking handout Ivans couldn't hold a country together to save your lives.

DIYConspiracy: New study shows that WE are sane, and the anti-conspiracy nuts are the CRAZY ONES!

Finally, VINDICATION! Ever since I discovered the REAL truth back in 1987, while on a peyote fueled fuck rampage in the Navajo desert (those sinful days behind me, much like the burly hippie whom was sensually invading my lower intestine), I KNEW that my previous self, as well as all those who WILLINGLY denied the REAL truth, were clinically insane.

Morality Mountain: I HAVE SINNED!

Everything that I will attempt to say to you this morning will be from my heart. I will not speak from a prepared script. Knowing the consequences of what I will say and that much of it will be taken around the world, as it should be, I am positive that all that I want to say I will not be able to articulate as I would desire. But I would pray that you will somehow feel the anguish, the pain, and the love of my heart. I have always -- every single time that I have stood before a congregation and a television camera, atop this Morality Mountain -- I have met and faced the issues head-on. I have never sidestepped or skirted unpleasantries. I have tried to be like a man and to preach this gospel exactly as I have seen it without fear or reservation or compromise. I can do no less this morning.

Morality Mountain: Today's Sermon - "If you question your parents, YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL!"

I have come before you today, brothers and sisters, to lay yet another munition of heavenly truth at thine feet, to aid you in this WAR against Christianity-ity that the liberals have waged against us!

As the good book says in Isaiah 54:17:

"No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, said the LORD."

Now, I know that many of you have hell-bound children, probably attending some commie liberal university under the auspices of "It's the best school around! I'll be able to become the best Doctor Lawyer Doctor in the history of fiction!"

Brand-Brand-New-New Racism

May I Present a Brand-Brand-New-New Racism?

I feel that those nasty races that involve only left turns should die. All those races are genetically inferior to those that have an intricate circuit - F1, Rally, etc... are superior to NASCAR. NASCARies are presupposed to mayhem, as they only watch for the exploding flippy action of the vehicles driven by old rednecks who stood against European and Australian style race standards.

These people wouldn't know downforce if it raped them.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Shit_My_Toilet_Says/comments/15blww/brandbrandnewnew_racism/