Remember kids, EVERYTHING is America's fault. Because the CIA is just SO DAMN CLEVER.
Oil refinery gets struck by lightning? America's fault. Because we are GOD.
You lose your keys? You're not a dumbass - it's AMERICA.
You specifically asked for light mayo in your tuna salad? AMERICA BE DUMPIN' DRUMS OF THAT SHIT IN.
You get mugged by some local thugs? AMERICA AGAIN.
Chose jelly instead of syrup? AHH-AH-AAAHHHMERICA! As fireworks go off.
Your face gets chewed off, and then later shit out, by a horny Xanax-addicted Chimpanzee? NAAP, That was America. Somehow bath salts were involved too.
You're fucking your girlfriend, and accidentally ram it up her ass? SORRY BABY, IT WAS AMERICA.
Your country gets invaded for it's oil, and there is now an American flag flying over your capital? NO - that was actually your fault. You shouldn't have had all that oil.
AMERICA, AMERICA, AMERICA. It's about time we changed our damn name. It's the only way to keep it out of these bitch's mouths.
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