It all started as I arose, sweaty and spent from the last mutual group "LOVE" session of the day. I decided to wander deep into the nighttime desert looking for small animals to kill (SUICIDE) with my liberal preachings, when I saw the head of what appeared to be a Gila Monster rising from beneath it's blanket of silica. I thought "It's KILLER Time!" as I ran up with my makeshift club of duct tape and driftwood, ready to deal swift, typical liberal justice upon it's reptilian cranium.
Suddenly, the earth beneath my feet exploded as if hell itself had been riven. As I was left to rub the cold sand from my eyes, I heard a booming, raspy voice thunder forth "Crud O'Matic, murderer of small animals, and thine own soul, I am Azdgrotus Milanai - keeper of the infinity-lock of Hell!"
I have to admit, as I shit my pants in fear, that it was quite an intimidating sight to behold; a dragon draped in gold, bearing a monocle upon a deadened eye, with animate Gila Monster heads adorning his crown, two sets of testicles, and a hole in his chest - revealing his heart, which spoke unto me in tongues long lost.
Extending his squalidly crooked hand down to me, I noticed it full of human flesh used as papyrus - etched upon it alien symbols I immediately understood. Horror upon horror that I was able to decipher in it's quickening motion. He done took to staring me in the eyes, as a puff of magmatic steam escaped his gothic nostril.
"I hath come to bestow upon thee sekrit dokumints of thine adversary." he continued. "The Satan of hells deep; as it was I who hath disturbed his slumber to work upon the worlds, it is I who have duty to right of his wrongs. You, as teller of distorted truths are now mine herald - go forth with these dokumints of thethinde [sicK] and alert thine peoples of the horrors wrought, and to be wrought, upon them!"
I said unto him "Whom are you to say that my liberal truths are distorted? I tell the truths of an oppressed people! You should never call into question their struggles - just who do you think you are?" He squinted, disdainfully with his deadened eye. I continued in my insane ravings "You come before me in this guise, obviously a hallucination of the many drugs that I am on - PROVE to me that you are hell beast - and that you have turned traitor unto your master, and I will spread your claims far and wide!"
He glowered at me with rage, then spun his hindquarters around while raising his tail. His anal cavity opened up wide, and with massive hurricane winds, released a fart that contained millions of screaming souls - all streaming off to the heavens, warranted with a divine pardon.
Recovering, as I gripped what little ground I could to stay myself, he hissed unto me: "These are the souls I hath spared from the adversary by devouring them. I hath made contract with GOD shortly before departing, that they would receive heavenly respite upon my escape from the depths!"
"Where is my hat!" I exclaimed; knowing of course that it was sucked up in the back draft of his demonic wind.
"I has not time to discuss petty issues. Here is your quarry, the dokumints - read them well. Now I must be off - to the planet of blood, where the adversary was banned after destroying it and it's peoples! Fare ye well, human!" - as he flew off into space, on wings of glittering finery.
As I stared up, I remarked unto myself - "That's a mighty fine dumper he has on him!" - but I quickly shook off my liberal, sodomistic thoughts. My life had new purpose, and sodomy was in the past now. My main goal now was to transcribe these tomes of gory flesh into English, and spread the words they contained far and wide... and soon enough, as they smelt of rot and expediency.
Arriving back at base camp, I found my former lovers skinned of their flesh, as various desert fauna munched at their ragged, bare muscle tissues. No time to call the cops, I had a heavenly mission - as well as strange flashbacks to their demise. To make a long story short, I stole their Land Rover and made my way back to society - avoiding police and common folk as my conveyance started to fill with the odor of decadent slaughter.
To make an even longer story short, I sped back to society, used my liberal father's trust fund he made for me, and preceded to transcribe those bloody dokumints to English for mass consumption. Upon the many revelations I made from the ancient alien texts, I discovered that mainstream Christianity was completely deluded to the truth. So I founded my own religion - Christianity-ity... it made the mere preaching of the truest interpretation of scripture, as combined with the truths revealed unto me by Azdgrotus' dokumints, the divine declaration. We revealed MANY an evil conspiracy in the highest levels of government, while many assassins tried to kill me and destroy Azdgrotus' revealing quarry unto me.
Fast forward to this very day. Here is the revealing article that I read, PROVING that "conspiracy theorists" like myself are telling the truth; that we are completely sane, while the anti-conspiracy theorists are completely wacko! TRUTH will eventually win out - as revealed here:
New studies: ‘Conspiracy theorists’ sane; government dupes crazy, hostile
Some liberal came along, and tried to tell me that the article actually says the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the study concluded, and not only that, but the article didn't provide a link to the study because of this... but I say "HOGWASH!" My fellow truth tellers would NEVER tell a lie - so here it is people, the link to the actual study:
“What about building 7?” A social psychological study of online discussion of 9/11 conspiracy theories
I KNOW that we aren't lying - I don't even have to read the study myself - I KNOW that Black Listed News is telling the truth!
Alex Jones and David Icke are COMPLETELY SANE, WELL ADJUSTED PEOPLE, and NOT raving lunatics who believe insane things without a shred of evidence - in need of either straight jackets, lithium or lobotomies.
Not to mention that ALL conspiracy theories make complete sense, and are 110% TRUTH, and NOT cobbled together lies, paranoia, megalomaniacal rants of revolution, misrepresented science, failed sci-fi and fan fiction, and completely impossible claims - all lacking in either scientific, historical, theological or philosophical truths.
On top of that all, EVERY conspiracy website has well written articles that DON'T use entire paragraphs of exclamation points and ALL CAPS, have well researched sources that don't make bald-faced assumptions, leave out important points and facts, and make no logical fallacies whatsoever.
Their websites employ absolute top notch design and stunning graphics, that DON'T look like HTML3.2 table-based and animated .gif nightmares found on Geocities circa. 1997. THE SITES ARE NOT AT ALL built by a meth head with his face sliding off his skull in uneven chunks, with an AK-47 propped up against his Packard Bell 486DX2 SOOPER KOMPUTER, wearing a Gadsden flag as a cape, and toking his bulb, in his mom's basement that he's converted into a methamphetamine lab.
To the right: The webmaster for timecube.com, the truth telling bastion for biblical time.
Which one of these would you trust siring your grandchildren?
Those sites are all running on a well written architecture on PREMIUM servers, and are NOT just jumbles of poorly written html and cut & paste javascripts hosted on free accounts, or free blogs on wordpress or blogger that use default templates and stolen images.
ALL webmasters, photogs, reporters and researchers are clamoring to work for these paragons of truth and bravery, and NOT doing the crazy sign as they read their "sites".
Completely sane. Yes.
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