Happy Halloween, FUCKERS

YOU CANNOT KNOW CTHULHU! TO SPEAK WITH THIS ELDER IS TO INHERIT MADNESS UPON MADNESS, UNTIL YOUR VERY ANCESTORS ARE STRICKEN WITH THE DECAY OF DEMENTIA! HE MOVES WITHOUT FORM IN THE WORLD, UNTIL HE SO CHOOSES TO TAKE FORM! EVERY MIND ROTTING WITH SANITY'S EVIL TWIN, IS BUT A MERE STEPPING STONE FOR THE OLD ONES TO ENTER INTO THIS WORLD. WITH THE GRAVITY OF ALL A SOUL, HE WILL TAKE LIGHT UPON THE CROWN OF HIS VICTIMS, AND PICK AT THEIR MIND AS A VULTURE THE EYES OF A DEAD CALF!

HORROR! TERROR!

There, now go to sleep. Out in the doghouse. You DO NOT have the required amount of fleas to occupy this house!

The use of a Diploma...

Some people say that school is a waste of time, and that diplomas are just worthless pieces of paper. I use my diploma for all kinds of things. I've compiled a neat little list to show you just how WORTH-FULL your diploma can be.

Note: These ideas are MINE. I will SUE YOUR ASS if you try to use them yourself.

• As a paperweight (it came in a nice case)

• As a dust shield (it collects dust instead of what I'm dust-guarding)

• Something nice to look at from an angle

• For testing ball point pens

• Once or twice, as a massive tooter for banging a rail of Peruvian flake

• As a makeshift dart board

• Once I ran out of toilet paper, so emergency asswipe

• As a scary alligator on Halloween (since it's in a green folding case)

• A Frisbee (which really didn't work too well)

• An AWESOME hat! It's smart.

• For shielding my eyes from bright light

• A conversation partner (sometimes it gets lonely in my head)

• A dog chew toy. Unfortunately, he didn't like the taste of knowledge.

...and here Grandpa told me that diplomas were useless and for faggots. He just didn't know how to use one. It's ok, Grandpa. I understand that you old people have problems with technology.

DIYConspiracy: Little things you learn every day (Vol. 27)

Did you guys know that the moon killed JFK on 9/11? With an inter-dimensional shape-shifting lizard alien nuclear space laser?

EVERYTHING is America's fault. EVERYTHING.

Remember kids, EVERYTHING is America's fault. Because the CIA is just SO DAMN CLEVER.

Oil refinery gets struck by lightning? America's fault. Because we are GOD.

You lose your keys? You're not a dumbass - it's AMERICA.

A Russian, on how superior Russia is to the U.S.

Too much Vodka will damage your brain, and lead you to believe that your backwards culture and your corrupt politician's actions should be blamed on gay people.

So, we sojourn:

Ruskie Dynamite: My 'shitty country' is the biggest and richest in the whole world

BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! You potato queuing, vodka swilling, gimme a fucking handout Ivans couldn't hold a country together to save your lives.

DIYConspiracy: New study shows that WE are sane, and the anti-conspiracy nuts are the CRAZY ONES!

Finally, VINDICATION! Ever since I discovered the REAL truth back in 1987, while on a peyote fueled fuck rampage in the Navajo desert (those sinful days behind me, much like the burly hippie whom was sensually invading my lower intestine), I KNEW that my previous self, as well as all those who WILLINGLY denied the REAL truth, were clinically insane.