Brand-Brand-New-New Racism

May I Present a Brand-Brand-New-New Racism?

I feel that those nasty races that involve only left turns should die. All those races are genetically inferior to those that have an intricate circuit - F1, Rally, etc... are superior to NASCAR. NASCARies are presupposed to mayhem, as they only watch for the exploding flippy action of the vehicles driven by old rednecks who stood against European and Australian style race standards.

These people wouldn't know downforce if it raped them.

http://www.reddit.com/r/Shit_My_Toilet_Says/comments/15blww/brandbrandnewnew_racism/

Uncle Crud's End -O- the World Confession...

I am the guy who wrote the Mayan Calendar. It was really a drunken suicide note, but it was misinterpreted. Sorry. #EndOfTheWorldConfession

http://www.reddit.com/r/Shit_My_Toilet_Says/comments/1581bz/uncle_cruds_end_o_the_world_confession/

An Evening with Cleverbot: Ep 1. Goading Bad Poetry

User: No need for hope, or pope. Only dope.

Cleverbot: A brotherhood of man.

User: That fits in the palm of the hand.

Cleverbot: It's the meaning of the meaning.

User: It's the gleaning of the flensing.

Cleverbot: So life is the meaning of life?

User: And strife is the meaning of wife.

DIYConspiracy: Insightful Internettings with your Uncle Crud - Ep 1. Cheese

Sometimes, insight into the NWO can come from the most unexpected of places. The following is a transcript of a chat I had with a backward fellow of Russian descent on Morality Mountain's Public IRC Server. BEHOLD, the power of cheese... and cellphones!

DIYConspiracy: Is BATMAN part of... THE Conspiracy?

I was busy the other day in my study, poring over the bulk of the Sekrit Documints I had received from our active anti-NWO "lizard wranglers" (the codename for our INTEL/COINTEL team on the "former" planet Pluto), and I happened to have the TV on for background noise, when I heard a familiar opening theme song. To my horror, I was once again face to face with an ancient enemy! It was the original 1960's Batman show!

I jacked the moon in the eye, and won.

He was hanging out at the local gay bar, making the Earth bulge and getting the wolves into a frenzy - they were all howling for more than just blood by the time I got there.

That's when it happened.

I was ordering a Jackhammer for my sentient chaps (they always need to be plastered when we're out because I refuse to wear pants, or skin, underneath them) - when I felt a tug at my bodily fluids. It felt nice, but I'm one for pleasantries before foreplay. I spun around, and kindly told him to keep his fundamental forces off of me unless he wanted to get to know my Hamfist™ in a non-sexual, non-consensual way.

He simply grinned his crater-toothed grin and persisted, stating slyly that ALL the tides let him do it, and they never complain. Not one for allowing my liquid contents to be shifted without at least a drink first, and his rapist machismo pressing on, I cocked my forearm hamskin back and blasted him a new Aitken basin in that big ass, but beautiful eye of his. I definitely swole it shut - it was at quarter crescent by the time he hit the door.

Don't believe me? Have you seen his eye beaming down on you the past two nights? Didn't think so. Look at him - he's hiding behind the clouds now, afraid to show his face to a REAL man-thing!

http://www.reddit.com/r/Shit_My_Toilet_Says/comments/s62a8/i_jacked_the_moon_in_the_eye_and_won/