I'm ugly, and proud of it.
I got a body like a chainsaw murder victim, where the killer got bored half way through, and just left the job half done.
I got a face that looks like an pound of rotten hamburger, complete with maggots, that a 60 year old alcoholic took a massive shit on, some punk kids spray painted, a pyromaniac set on fire, and a Samoan firefighter stomped out with a spiked jackboot.
My hair? Imagine Scary Gary's head weeds, only thicker, more tangly, redder, going gray around the temples, and I had barbwire extensions grafted into my scalp on top of it.
My facial hair has two modes - completely shaven that makes my head look tiny, and full-on homeless beard. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I make Kurt Cobain's autopsy photos look sexy.
MARRY ME, GODDAMMIT!
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